I am Sop

I am Sop… I am the mirror of this society. Fear pierces my heart when I think about it. I have been developing my consciousness, with a purpose to change myself considering my beliefs and values. Yet sometimes, my old and still present, programmed mind does not allow me to pursue it; this sick mind is so powerful.

I am Sop… I am a consumer. At least in a view of every single corporation that craves profit, like a fighting dog wants to kill its opponent. I am not a human being anymore, I am just a number, one of their targets in the market; I am an object, which they intend to hunt, to then dry and consume all my blood. I disgust this power relationship, but am I doing anything to change it? I am doing nothing and the nothingness constitutes me.

I am Sop… I am a person with no time, neither to sleep, nor to dream. Even so I close my eyes and imagine a different reality. Yet the noise of nowadays is so raucous that leaves me with the sensation of my brain melting into this cocktail of ads, news and useless, fake so-called information.

I am Sop… I am a stranger. I know how to smile and how to laugh till feeling delightfully free; but the people around barely understand it. Surrounding faces suppress and reprimand. I am becoming a shadow of myself.

 

I am Sop… I am the naïve who still believes in peaceful humanity, in the goodwill of the other, meanwhile running away from violence of organised crime. I am the one who is terrified of a next possible big attack that all broadcasters forecast every day, and the one who could be a hidden racist, along with being a perfect target for racism. I dream about a change even if it only changes myself.

 

I am Sop… I open my eyes, one by one, to see what we are doing with another gender. It terrifies me. I question my own masculinity, while working to change it for myself, for the other and for further, possible others. With hope for a better world for everyone.

 

I am Sop… I am the one who does not belong to any race or country anymore. Boundaries of nations have blurred; I am the old-new generation of those who decided to be nomadic, who are looking for something that was forgotten from our ancestors. Possibly, knowledge about that we should treat everyone as human, as we all belong to humankind.

 

I am Sop…I am the mirror of this society. I mimic your movements, your thoughts, even your feelings. But are you conscious whom we are learning our behaviours from? Our expectations? Our values?

I am Sop… I am a melancholic and every time you see me in this state you worry, but don’t; I have developed my own shadow, a shadow of pure light. I am my own shadow, now you can see whatever you wish to see. Everyone is happy.

I am Sop… I am a person who is in distress and grieves for how we treat the Mother Earth, our water, our land, our air and our fellow creatures. Yet I am forgetting all my manners every time when commodity works to my advantage. I am the one who must stop thinking and acting based on my egoistic convenience.

 

I am Sop… I am the good and the evil. I am learning how to recognise myself and stop being the mirror of this sick society.

 

© 2018 by Sop Rodchenvko

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

All text by Sop Rodchenvko are reviewed and copy-edited by Gosia Polanska (Mojek).

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